Adulting can be bitter-sweet sometimes. Outside of my day job, I’m also a makeup artist on the side and I am honored to be doing my friends makeup for her wedding in a couple of months.
This will be my first wedding since the divorce and to be honest, I hadn’t really thought this all the way through. The idea of a wedding makes my heart hurt a little and I’m kind of afraid I’m going to lose my cool and go full on ugly-face cry as the Bride and Groom go through the rituals of matrimony. I’m so happy for my friend, she deserves nothing but joy, and I know she would be fine with me doing her bridal makeup hours before and then skipping out on the whole “I do’s”. She’s a good friend like that.
I also realize this will be the first “firsts” of many. I’ve already tackled the first anniversary, it would have been our 21st and I got through it. There were some tears, and a lot of wine, a few phone calls with friends and bad TV. But I got through it, and I’ll get through this too. I’ll be wearing waterproof mascara and lash glue for sure, but I’ll get through it.
Divorce is such an asshole, ya know? It just hijacks you’re whole life. You lose friends, you lose half your family, you lose a partner, a confidant, someone to do the heavy lifting and walk the dog. You lose someone who knows all your flaws and is supposed to love you anyway. There is nothing about divorce that doesn’t totally blow.
I know! I know! It was just a few short blogs ago I was listing off all the great things about being single, and I still hold tight to that list. That; however, doesn’t mean that the stinging pain of trauma doesn’t rear its ugly head and bite me in the ass now and then. Being a grown up, big girl panty wearing adult lady kinda sucks sometimes. Not gonna lie.
The truth of the matter is, it may be hard, it will probably hurt, and it may even suck just a little bit. But I will stand tall, after I pull on those big girl panties, because my friend is special to me and she stepped up to bat for me when I needed her and helped me get through that horrible month of November 2016 in ways that I hope my gift of doing her makeup for her special day reciprocates.
There will come a day when I no longer have any first “firsts” to get past. This is part of the voyage. This is part of The Plan. Part of me wonders if it will be just a little sad when there are no more firsts to hurdle. I’m sure there will come a time when I look back on this first year and see exactly how far I’ve come. That is part of what these blogs are for – an online journal of sorts. You know, the kind of journal that we let the whole internet read. We all have one of those, right?
The long and short of it is that divorce is like a can of worms. Once it’s open, it’s OPEN. It’s ugly, smelly, slimy and icky, but in the end if you are skillful, you wind up with a basket full of fish. Knowledge fish. Fish of knowledge.
That last metaphor sounded a lot more poetic in my head, but hopefully you get it. Yeah, you get it. Right?