The gown is washed, the crinoline and netting is cut out, I washed it on cold and hung it to dry, it’s been boxed, sealed and addressed.
Clearly, I chose to donate my wedding gown to Angel Gowns. You guys overwhelmingly voted in the comments, on a Twitter poll and on Facebook to donate my gown, even though the suggestion of setting it on fire was extremely tempting, not gonna lie.
I’ve been sitting with my wedding gown in the corner of my bedroom. I’ve looked at it every day this week and several times have thought about grabbing my scissors and starting the process of dismantling it, removing the crinoline, washing it, boxing it. Each time, I’ve found myself hesitating, fearing what feelings it would bring up. Would I cry? Would I slip into a depression like I did when the divorce first happened? Would I not be able to stop and cut my gown into satin confetti? I knew the right time would present itself and I would do what needed to be done.
That time was last night, Friday night. Its been a week, y’all. I came home last night with a full head of steam – angry, anxious, unable to sit still. It was one of those nights where I came home, poured a glass of wine and started cleaning. My apartment is pretty clean anyway, but last night it got a deep clean. I mean, guys…I even cleaned my ceiling fan. I CLEANED. Then I looked at the corner of my bedroom where that sad, slouchy bag of satin sat in its storage bag and knew it was time. I grabbed my trusty pair of scissors and ripped open the bag, threw the gown inside out and started hacking. It felt….in a word….amazing. It felt liberating. It felt freeing. It felt awesome.
This morning, after a few errands, I folded up the gown and its detached train and stuffed it neatly into a box I happened to have lying around from a delivery this week and found the address for the closest Angel Gown foundation in South Texas and taped the box up and addressed it carefully and in the next day or two it will be at the post office and on its way to becoming something better.
I feel so good about the choice to donate it to Angel Gowns, where my gown will be made into burial gowns for babies who have passed away. My hope is that my donation will give some hope and a moment of peace to families who are suffering the worst loss imaginable, the death of a baby. I have no interest in knowing the recipients of the gowns, that seems kind of unnecessary and rather cruel to expect the seamstresses providing these gowns to families to keep track of where the material came from and report back on how many people benefitted from their donation. I am at peace just knowing that my donation is heading in a direction of providing love and support to families who are suffering and that the gowns provided to the families are always free of charge. Not to mention the knowledge that this gown is out of my life once and for all is a happy byproduct of donation. Heck, I don’t even want the tax write off. I just want to be done with it.
Thank you to those of you who encouraged me to donate my gown and make something good come from this year of divorce. I probably would have wound up donating the gown anyway – but who knows, I might have taken the easy route and dropped it off at a thrift store instead of ensuring it went to a cause that would really turn it into a blessing. That is another reason I’m grateful for this Blog. My last post and more importantly your response kept me accountable. I knew I had to follow up last weeks post with an update and I’m proud of the choice I made.
So that is one more threshold stepped through, one more door that has been closed and I won’t be looking back. Not even for a millisecond. What is done is done, and I am at peace once again.
Not to mention, it’s really nice to have the extra space in my closet, and a really clean apartment.