I thought it would be a great idea to have Christmas music playing in the background while I write, but then I remembered – Oh yeah, I can’t write when I’m listening to music, or TV, or a podcast. My brain can’t focus on input and output at the same time. So I’ve paused the Christmas music for a brief intermission while I write this post.
It’s Christmas Eve, Y’all! I love the day before Christmas! It’s all anticipation and childlike excitement. I always loved watching my kids get excited on Christmas eve, deciding which cookies to leave out for Santa, writing a note for him, do we leave carrots out for the Reindeer this year? I still have several of those notes in a photo album that my son wrote and then later my daughter wrote. My son is now 27 and has a family of his own, and my daughter is 19 and figuring out life as an adult and budding makeup artist. I cherish those memories.
Speaking of memories, I love Facebook and the way it pops up memories from years past. One popped up yesterday that made me pause. I kept staring at it, re-reading it and even took a screen shot of it. I’ll insert it here.
This time last year I was in so much excruciating pain. I was scared, angry, hurt and numb all at the same time. I was also determined to survive. Looking at where I am now to where I was then it seems like it went by so fast. Except it didn’t of course. It had its moments of stand still where I thought I was never going to grow outside the need to live in the memories. There were moments when I thought I would never feel like I could feel secure in living on my own, providing for my child and pets.
But of course, I did. I look back at this post about writing a book…and yeah, that’s happening. I’d like to go back to talk to that woman from 12 months ago and tell her it’s going to be ok. You’re going to surprise yourself and yeah, divorce feels like a kick straight to your lady-balls and no, divorce is not for pussies, and indeed, you showed everyone what it’s like to pull on those big girl panties and get out of bed every day even when you didn’t feel like you could. Some days you were horribly hung over, but you did it. You grew up, you focused that hurt, that rage and that confusion into setting goals, meeting goals, celebrating those met goals and then setting some more. You did it, Girl! You kicked divorce’s ass!
So with Christmas comes new traditions. My daughter and I were just talking last night about what we should do today, we don’t have to cater to anyone anymore – we can create new traditions and memories and we have some ideas. Tonight we are going to her grandparents for dinner and enjoy time with family. Then we will see what we want to do next. We will also open a gift today. That’s a tradition we would like to keep. One gift gets opened on Christmas eve, then the rest get opened Christmas morning. Then we’ll make a big Christmas breakfast and take a nap.
This Christmas has an under current of excitement! We are on the precipice of change. My daughter gets her Drivers License next week and then she’ll probably get a job. Things are changing in a wonderful way and I am filled with the joy and spirit of the Season. I am grateful for the past year and it’s hardships that make it even sweeter to be present in this moment of joy.
To you, I wish you a Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or just Happy Sunday. I hope you find joy in your day with family and cherish the moments.