Ladies, if we’re lucky, we have women in our lives who inspire us, have paved the way through adversity with dignity and grace and shown us how damn sexy it can be to put your big girl panties on and get through the hard stuff.
There is a woman in my life who was once a member of the family – in a sense – she was married to my sister’s brother in law….so really, she has never been legal family to me, but she has been what I like to call a Sister in Love. We chose to claim each other as friends and she and her daughter are gorgeous humans inside and out, and some of my favorite people.
This Sister in Love I’m referring to is named Danette and she went through a bit of an ugly divorce (but are any of them really pretty?) a few years ago and I have been impressed with how she has stood on her own two feet, held herself with the utmost class and made her life as a newly single woman look like a opportunity for growth, fun and success. She has been a role model of sorts as I have gone through my divorce. I felt like she paved the way and showed how it was supposed to be done.
Danette is now in a very loving relationship, and planning a wedding to a lovely man that makes her very happy. She also lives in another state now, so we don’t get to see each other very often. She was here for the Christmas holiday and she surprised me on her last night here with a surprise visit, saying she had something to give me.
What she had to give me was this beautiful ring. She calls it her Divorce Ring. She told me when she was newly divorced and in so much pain, she found this ring and purchased it as a replacement for her wedding ring. She wore it on her left hand and it filled that empty space that those of us who have been married for a long time know so well when we no longer have that fourth finger on our left hand occupied by a band of gold or silver. It feels naked. It feels wrong, and it only emphasizes our feelings of loneliness.
She said when she found the ring in the jewelry store it felt right to her. The cluster of black diamonds surrounded by a ring of white diamonds. It signified the death that divorce feels like but with a glimmer of hope on the horizon. She decided she was going to wear the ring until she got married again, and then she’d decide what the right thing to do with it was. Fortunately for me, the right thing for her to do was pass it on to me.
Danette’s said that what I did with the ring was completely up to me. I could keep it, wear it, sell it, give it away or just do nothing with it. It was a completely string-free gift. Of course I was going to keep it, I told her! How in the world could I do anything else with it? I promised her that I would wear it with the same intention she did. If I ever get married again, I too will find someone deserving of the ring and I will pass it on as well.
I wish I had a better photo of it for this post, but the ring is currently at the jeweler being sized and this was one of the quick pictures I took with my cell phone the night I was gifted it. It is Sterling Silver with gold accents and beautiful diamonds. I already cherish this piece and will wear it every day, on that fourth finger on my left hand and hopefully it will keep people guessing. Is she single? Is she married?
Some day, maybe I will be happily in love again and no longer need the Divorce Ring anymore and I will find someone special to me that is having a rough time moving through the single life and I will gift it to them. Or maybe I will be single for the rest of my life and this ring with be my companion. Who knows. All I know is, I feel blessed and loved by my Sister in Love and her incredibly generous gift.
There is hope on the horizon of this brand new year, just like the row of white diamonds symbolizes. Even if that hope is a beautiful new piece of jewelry that will be a joy to wear for as long as I need to.
Happy New Year, everyone!