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Single Girl Problems: When you have to kill the bug

I live in an older apartment complex.  The complex was recently purchased by a new management company who are making some great changes to and around the property.

One of the changes they have made is to periodically walk the property and leave notes advising residents if there are things on their patios or porches that are unseemly or look like clutter.

Guess who got a note yesterday?  I am more of a minimalist and don’t have a lot of clutter, but I had an unused cooler and a bag of potting soil on the back porch, as well as an empty terra-cotta pot on the front porch.  They wanted those items gone.  Easy enough, I collected and gave a quick cleaning to these items and either threw them away or brought them inside.

Apparently I let in an outside dweller at the same time.

A couple of hours after bringing in the cooler I walked into my bedroom.  There….on the floor….was the biggest, ugliest, meanest looking wolf spider I’ve ever seen.  If you’ve never lived in the South or never seen a wolf spider, let me paint you a picture.

Imagine a giant hairy spider with a giant body the size of a nickel and legs twice that size that moves really fast, will charge you…and…(gulp) they jump.  Did I mention they bite? They aren’t venomous, but really – is that even important?  They jump, they bite, and with legs they can get to be the size of a quarter or larger.

My ex husband was always the bug killer.  He, along with my daughter are the critter savers too.  I save my share of critters, don’t get me wrong.  I would much rather take a bug outside and set it free than kill it.  But if it’s a giant spider, all talks are off.

We don’t negotiate with terrorists!!

So with no husband in my life, my daughter at a babysitting gig and my cats virtually useless and only wanting to play with the spider I knew I was on my own.  I grabbed the nearest hard object and dispatched the Hell Beast swiftly, then flushed him down the toilet.

Then I did the dance of my people.  The dance of the people freaked out by large spiders…I call it “Instant Cardio” and it’s similar to the dance we do when we walk through an unseen spider web.  You’ve seen it, you’ve probably done it.

I have to admit, I have my regrets.  I regret that the Hell Beast was standing in the way of me and my camera, because I would have enjoyed getting a few cool photos of it.  Fight or Flight won over and I went to battle.  I won.  I feel like Xena Warrior Princess again.

Except Xena probably would have squished it with her bare hands and perhaps eaten it for protein. ((((shiver))))

Part of me has wondered if there are more spiders lurking in corners I haven’t discovered yet and that one from last night was the brave explorer of the tribe.  If that is the case then clearly I will have to move.  I will have to abandon all my personal possessions and start over somewhere spider-free.

Lets all pray that isn’t the case.

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