One of the best and worst things about dating when you live in a small city is…..well, dating in a small city.
Let me explain, the city I live in is in the South and we are by all reasonable purposes not a super small city, but we still think we are. So when I mentioned to my sister that I was chatting with someone who I found attractive and interesting and sent her his profile and she responded with “RUN AWAY AS FAST AS YOU CAN!” I took heed.
In a small city, we have perma-memory. Every bad thing you’ve ever done to someone, as well as every good thing you’ve ever done to someone follows you in the memories of the people around you. So when my sister advised immediate cease and desist of any connection with this man I knew it must have been bad. It was. She had told me stories of this man and the way he treats women, I just didn’t know that the man I had matched with on a dating app was one in the same person she’d been regaling stories of to me.
I wonder how people in my city see me. Do they see me and have good memories of the way I’ve treated them and treated others? I hope so. Since I’ve been with my ex husband for the entirety of my residence in this city, I don’t have any bad blood with men. I’ve not taken someone’s man, I’ve not cheated with anyone and I’ve not wronged anyone over a man. So the only thing people know about me is how I’ve treated them. Again, I hope those memories are good memories.
That can be a double edged sword though, because everyone who has known me in this town has known me as part of a couple with my ex. They don’t see me as an eligible single woman who is looking to meet people. I think they just pass me over with an assumption that I’m already paired up with someone. It’s going to take me actually going out with some people to shake that preconception up.
This whole online dating thing has me feeling a little like a shit-magnet. I kind of feel like if I’m attracted to a man, he’s bound to be a jerk or a liar. Ok, ok, I being a little dramatic. Not all the men I’ve interacted with have been jerks or liars but it feels like the one’s that crawl under my skin are the bad boys….and not in a good way if you know what I mean.
You know what I need? I need a Yenta. I’m not Jewish, but I think I might need to hand over the reigns of the man picking to an old Yiddish Matchmaker. I feel like I can’t be trusted to make good decisions when it comes to picking men. Then I worry that if a good man comes along, will I find him totally unattractive? Will I even like a good guy?
Gah! This sucks. I just want to go on some dates, people!! I want to meet some nice men who have great life stories who can make me laugh and are gentlemen. I want to be taken out to dinner and impressed with a witty sense of humor. I want to share stories of the crazy things we’ve seen in life and have long, deep conversations about how the world works and ways we’d like to be a part of making it even better. Is that too much to ask?
I don’t think it is….is it?