I’m a person who gets stressed and depressed about things before they happen. I think I anticipate the way I’m going to feel on a certain milestone or date and get all my emotional processing done ahead of time. Over achiever? Yeah, pretty much.
I’ve been a little stressed and sad this week because today would have been my 22nd wedding anniversary. I’ve been processing all these feelings and remembering past anniversaries. I’ve been having all these circling thoughts and I was not looking forward to June 8th at all.
Then I woke up today, on June 8th, 2018 and you know what? I feel great. I woke up and did my normal morning assessment, how do I feel? Where are my thoughts? What do I want to focus on today? Low and behold I find myself happy. I find myself grateful. I find myself relieved that I’m not married to that person anymore. I’m so very happy not having to be fake with anyone in my life. The further I get into healing the more I remember how inauthentic my marriage was and how hard we had to work to pretend to be interested.
So today is a deep breath kind of day. A deep, cleansing breath kind of day where I breath in peace, gratitude and anticipation of the future. A day where I exhale the last few bits of anger and resentment that I held onto. I don’t need them anymore.
I thought about writing a post that was essentially an open letter to my younger self who was about to marry my ex husband. The only problem is, I don’t really know that girl anymore. She didn’t know herself – at all! She wouldn’t have listened to me anyway, she’s a stubborn hard headed know it all.
I’m so excited about the future, about who is going to enter my life and bring with them new adventures and fun memories. I have a date or two next week and I’m really excited about them. I’m ready. I’m eager to meet people and experience a whole new list of firsts.
I’m pretty damn proud of myself, y’all. I have taken that delivery of lemons that life generously sent me with a big shit-show balloon and turned it into a bad ass pitcher of margaritas with pink Himalayan salt on the rim. I took my crumbling, decimated life and shook it out on the porch, banged it against the fence post of my inner strength and scrubbed it clean with my never-give-up attitude. Wow this analogy is going somewhere, huh?
All in all, I turned a big hole of nothing into a life that I love waking up in every day.
I love milestones like today. I could be sad and depressed but I’m happy and inspired instead.
The first year of divorce is the hardest, no one will dispute that. The second year, however, is the best! This is happiness. This is wholeness and being complete. This is fulfilling my own needs and finding happiness in what I bring to the table.
This is independence. This is adventure. This is being a Bad Ass Boss Babe.