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Perspective

Blessings

I was walking past my Blessings Jar recently and noticed it’s getting pretty full.  That makes me happy.  It makes me happy that I have so many blessings in my life that need documenting, and it also makes me happy that I’m at a place in my life where I see the blessings and am able to acknowledge them.  That wasn’t always the case.  There have been dark days when I didn’t know if my heart would heal.  I wasn’t sure I’d ever feel love again and was really unsure if I would ever be able to trust again.

All of those things are temporary feelings of course.  Anyone who has gone through a divorce knows that those feelings hang around for a good while, but then they get a little less, then a little less, then one day you notice that you haven’t even thought those negative thoughts in a few days, then a few weeks.

I had a realization that day as I walked past my Blessings Jar that my life, my healing, my happiness really started to shift in a significant way when I began being grateful.  I think we could all benefit from saying Thank You to the Universe more often.  Every morning when I wake up, I take the dog out for a walk to do his “bidness” and then I settle in with a cup of coffee and my laptop and write three things I’m grateful for and three things I am manifesting in my life.  I try to find three different things every day to be grateful for, but the manifesting list stays pretty similar every day.

Today my Gratitude list went like this:

Today I’m grateful for

  • The amazing fish tacos The Gentleman made last night
  • Taking a step back and talking it out
  • Falling deeper in love

The Gentleman and I hit a milestone of sorts.  The three-month freak out.  Did you know this was a thing?  It’s a thing, trust me, I Googled it.  Three months is when your relationship is likely to be hitting a new and deeper level.  Three months is when the new car smell and best-behavior starts to fade and you begin to see what each other really looks like and sometimes the doubts begin to creep in and you wonder if it’s time to cut and run or let the deepening happen and roll with it.

Admittedly, I freaked out.  Then my freak out made him freak out and there was a lot of freaking out happening.  It was dicey for about 24 hours there.  We had a choice to make, we could give into the doubt and fear and say “See ya! It’s been fun….thanks for the great time.” or we could embrace the fear, share it with one another and see if we could calm the crazy in one another.

The Gentleman and I have an ace up our sleeves though, we’re good at talking it out.  We’re good at not letting the tempers flair, or using stinging words.  We’re good at giving each other the floor to say whats on our hearts and minds.  We’re good at communicating and when I say communicating, I mean full disclosure communitating.  No holding back, nothing is off-limits and we each respect the others opinions and feelings.  At the same time we are a couple, we are also really, really good friends.

So the talking happened.  We each shared what scared us, what made us doubt, how we were miscommunications in some areas and decided it really wasn’t all that scary.  We just need to acknowledge the fear to one another and give the other person an opportunity to calm that fear and reinforce that our hearts are safe with one another.

He keeps telling me my heart is safe with him and I am learning to believe him.  I’m also learning that I need to reinforce that his heart is safe with me as well, because it is.  So needless to say we are a couple of goofballs right now, oogly-googly with soft touches and many, many kisses, big cartoon hearts bulging from our eye holes and ‘can’t get enough of you’ glances.  It’s probably pretty gross from the outside.  But we are goofy in love and will probably both develop diabetes from the sweetness that is life right now.

And it’s definitely going in my Blessings Jar.  There are a lot of blessings.

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