Seriously Mom! Stop reading and go to another post. This one isn’t for you. (You either, Dad!)
Is she gone? MOM! Seriously! Move along!
Ok. She’s gone.
This post is on a topic that has been on my mind the last few weeks and since it’s not going away, the only thing I can do is write about it.
We’re talking condoms, casual sex and FWB (Friends with benefits) as well as some getting knocked off my I feel like a badass high horse.
So before I went away last weekend to visit The Chef I had a short grocery list. Basically it was three things.
- Pepper Spray
Short, sweet and to the point, yes? I haven’t bought condoms in probably fifteen years. I belong to a closed Facebook Group for women of a certain age – where we discuss, celebrate, get opinionated, ask and give advice and generally support one another, so that’s where I went to learn what a good condom option was. I went with some lubricated thin latex free numbers. It’s not that I even expected anything to happen when I was away but a girl has to be responsible.
I’ve been surprised at the number of posts on this closed Facebook group that condom usage is on the decline and it’s resulting in a jump in older women reporting sexually transmitted diseases. This. Is. Just. Dumb. If you’re going to engage in casual sex or sex with more than one person, or sex with someone who is having sex with more than just you, its common sense “No Glove, No Love!” We have to be responsible for our own bodies, ladies. We can’t hope and pray that our partners are going to do all the heavy lifting in the protection department. So I am now bringing my own favors to the party just in case.
Now on to FWB….I’m intrigued with this idea. I’m intrigued by the notion of friends who don’t want a relationship, who just simply want to mutually gratify one another as needed. I am 47 years old, in my sexual peak and comfortable in my body. I know what I want and I’m not ashamed to ask for it. My only steadfast rule is I won’t entertain married men. No cheating on my watch, Gentlemen. If you’ve got a wife or a girlfriend you need to keep walking. Only single men need apply.
I’m sure there are many out there reading this right now who are full of judgement, possibly shaking their heads going “tsk, tsk, tsk…” and that’s fine. You don’t have to agree with my choices in life right now. You also don’t have to live in my body or sleep in my bed. I am single, dating and sowing my wild oats for the first time since my early 20’s. I’m a whole lot smarter, a whole lot more comfortable in my body and a whole lot less likely to put up with bullshit than I was in my 20’s. I’m also fully responsible for my actions and try to be as safe as possible. There is nothing wrong with two consenting adults coming together (no pun intended) to scratch a mutual itch now and then when the mood strikes. They don’t have to take out the garbage at my place and I don’t have to wash their dishes at their place. We meet up, do what we do, hang out a little now and then and go back to our independent lives. Now those folks saying “tsk, tsk, tsk…” are secretly jealous, wishing they could live a season of being sexually free and discovering new and exciting relationships without any pesky entanglements. Don’t lie….you know you are.
So after jumping on the dating apps and getting a great response, meeting some really exciting people and doing some fun and mutually gratifying stuff, I had a bit of a snag recently. There is someone I have my eye on that I’d like to get to know better. I have been making the eye contact, using the body language and actively engaging the ‘I’m Available’ vibe. Can you guess what happened next?
Nada. Zilch. Crickets.
He’s either not interested, or not picking up what I’m laying down. So I’m feeling a bit defeated and like maybe my milkshake doesn’t, in fact, bring all the boys to the yard. Meh. No fun feeling that way, right? I mean, I’m not so full of myself to think that every man who I cross paths with is going to want to ravish me, but a little response from flirting is just polite, amiright? So I think I’m going to stick a pin in that one and move on. No need beating a dead horse, not to mention I don’t want to work that hard for someone who doesn’t want to reciprocate the vibe. Sometimes they just aren’t into you. But I would be lying if I said it didn’t trigger (I hate that word) some negative self talk. I’m too old. My body is covered in scars, fake boobs with tattoos of flowers on them. He probably likes younger, skinnier women. I’m probably too independent. He probably doesn’t like short hair….goofy right? Stupid negative self talk!
I hear a lot about today’s youth and the current “hookup culture” they are living and I guess I’m jumping on that band wagon. I’ve lived the responsible Wife & Mother life. I’m responsible in my work life and loyal to my friends and family. My youngest child is about to turn 20. I don’t have any youngun’s to care for, unless you count my adorable dog Chewy. I’m ready to be a little bit of Samantha from Sex & The City. No apologies, no judgement.
I’m going to publish this blog post even though I’m a little scared that this is a complete over-share and that I’m going to have to look at people in my day to day life in the eye and know they read my blog. They know that I’m DTF (look it up) and they are either going to give me a wink and a high five or they are going to think I’m a trollop (look it up, kids) Either way, this is my blog and you guys seem to love it when I’m strong and independent and living a life full of adventure. The last blog post about The Chef and my experience at the Fishing Lodge was by FAR the most viewed post I’ve ever published. It was seen by more people, in countries around the world and I gained more followers than ever. So I’m going to continue being honest, being true to myself and living my life out loud and proud.
Hope y’all are ok with that!