It’s a story as old as time…but it still pisses me off.
I was talking with a single male friend the other day and we got to discussing the endless list of bad ideas about having sexual relationships in the work place. It’s just never a good idea. I personally have two steadfast rules….I won’t mess around with married men or men at work. It’s just not a good idea. Have I been tempted? Of course I have. Have I even been known to flirt my butt off? Why yes, indeedie I have. Alas, the Universe has watched out for me and the people I’ve flirted with have not taken the bait and that’s a good thing, because like it or not, there is a hella double standard in our society and it never ends well for us ladies who like the company of gentlemen.
We have all seen it in our lives, a man can have a dozen sexual partners and he’s considered a Stud, a Playa, a Successful Man, he is considered experienced, admired, slapped on the back by other men and high fived in the locker room with a loud guffaw and a hearty “Atta Boy!”.
If a woman has more than a few sexual experiences – the less the better, she is considered Damaged Goods, a Slut, a Whore, Easy, Cheap, a Tramp, etc. She is shamed, she is looked down upon, she is talked about behind her back, to her face and she is snickered about behind closed doors. She is told it’s not ladylike and she is expected to keep her mouth and her legs closed until a suitable, committed man comes around.
In a word….Bullshit.
Why is this? Why is sexual experimentation encouraged with men, but shunned with women? Why are women discouraged from experimenting sexually and encouraged to wait for “the one”? The One what?? I mean really! What are we waiting for? Men can sow their wild oats and it is just fine, but women aren’t really encouraged to do the same.
It seems to me there is one small window of time for a women when society seems to turn a bit of a blind eye to sexual freedom and that’s the sweet spot of the 45 and over Divorced crowd. That my friends is where I am right now and I’m loving every hot, sweaty minute of it. Of course, I run the risk of being called a Cougar if I’m dating a younger man (which I’m not, but I could certainly entertain the idea….) I also run the risk of people continuing to talk about it and snicker a little that I’m having my post-divorce sex-crazed phase.
Guess what guys? I. Don’t. Care.
The beautiful thing about being in the later part of my 40’s is I can do what I want and I don’t need anyone’s permission. Not even a little bit of permission! I am Single, I support myself and my lifestyle and I can do whatever the heck I want with my life. If that includes taking many lovers then so be it.
I am currently seeing a few lovely people who all provide different things in my life. They are all beautiful and special in their own ways and I am experiencing different adventures with each of them.
The Chef. You’ve read about him. He is a handsome Italian with beautiful olive skin and shiny, curly black hair that just begs to have fingers run through it. He and I have a friendship that feels like it’s been lifetimes long. We never run out of things to talk about and he takes me on adventures on the water and in the kitchen. His smile is infectious and his personality is intoxicating. He makes me laugh and laugh and I love spending time with him. He is not only a lover, he is quickly becoming one of my best friends.
The Ref. He and I have a friendship that has been built over almost two decades. We have flirted for years and sometimes wanted to punch each other in the throat from time to time, but at the end of the day there was always an attraction there but I was married for most of it and we never crossed that line. Now, however we are both free to explore what ever type of relationship we want and we are taking advantage of it. The Ref and I have the unique benefit of having a shared experience. We know most of the same people, have a shared history and both of us have a bit of a morbid fascination with all things gory. He and I may only be lovers for a season, but we will be friends for the rest of our lives.
The Writer. He and I met on a dating app and chatted for a good month before meeting in person. This one is still very new but he is going to be one that will bring several new experiences and adventures to the party. He and I are developing a trust and a language that is new to me. I don’t know where this one is going to go but I’m sure enjoying watching it develop before me. The Writer and I have discussed a creative project that involves both of our loves for writing. That should be fun to see come to fruition. The Writer is a man with many layers to him and I’ve just begun peeling them back. I don’t know how long he will be in my life, but I am enjoying a unique freedom with him that is both exciting and sexy.
I really debated whether to include the details about the men in my life in the blog. I hesitated because of that damn double standard. If I were a man and carrying on with three women I’d be hailed as a hero among my buddies. I would be respected and envied among my friends. If I were a man I would be applauded and my friends would be asking for tips on how to get the ladies.
Here, however, I’m a woman in her late 40’s who is sharing time with three very different men and loving every second of it. Each of the men know there are others and they are fine with our arrangement. Each of the men know that I am careful with each and every intimate experience I have and that I take my personal safety and self respect very seriously. They also know about the blog and know there is a chance they might be discussed.
So there you have it. Are you going to call me a slut? Are you going to tsk, tsk, tsk and shake your head thinking I’m trying to fill a void with meaningless sex with random men? Because if that’s what you think you haven’t been reading this blog closely enough. None of these men are random and none of our experiences are meaningless. All of these relationships are unique and each has their own set of feelings. Each of these relationships has a basis in friendship and a mutual respect that works out for each of us.
That is not to say that one day one or all of them may come to me and say this isn’t working for them anymore. Or I may be the one to go to them and end things. The conversation has been had with each of them that this is a season for us, no telling how long it will last or where it will go but I know that each of us is having a great time exploring freedom and feeling good and when it’s all said and done isn’t that what a well lived life is all about?
Or is that just me because I’m an experience junkie? I don’t really care, I’m not stopping anytime soon.