Wrapping up 2018

New Years Blessings Jar

In just over two weeks I will open a bottle of good wine and dump out my Blessings Jar. I’ll open each folded piece of paper and read each and every one, taking my time, remembering what was happening in my life at that moment that I felt so important it had to be memorialized in my Blessings Jar. Or remembering what I was doing that I wanted to make certain I didn’t forget.

My Blessings Jar is my favorite thing I’ve begun since 2018 began. I know some of the blessings are going to tug at my heart strings, I fell in Love this year (or so I thought) and then quickly fell out of it. I took a cruise and made new friends, I started dating and found a new-found freedom and independence. I bid adieu to the last lingering feelings of being married and I’ve embraced being an almost fifty year old woman with adult children who don’t need me to hover over them anymore.  I ditched my wedding ring and my wedding gown this year – that’s for sure in the Blessings Jar.  It was freeing to say the very least. (The gown actually happened last year, but the wedding ring was this year)

I’ve discovered living the single life is my cup of tea, I’ve discovered sleeping in the center of the bed surrounded by a nest of pillows is fantastic and I’ve also discovered new levels of loneliness when I really needed a mans hug but don’t know who to call without strings attached. (I got the hug by the way, and he needed one too so we helped each other…in an empty parking lot, in public, completely platonic and no butts were grabbed)

I discovered the dark side of dating in the online age. I don’t think any blessings will be in the Jar about that, but they should be because I learned where my lines are drawn and that in itself is a blessing. It was nothing overly nefarious or cause for my mother to worry about my safety. I just listened to my gut and ended something before it even began.

I have steadily been wearing and loving my divorce ring. That is for sure in the Blessings Jar. That ring brings me hope and warmth just looking at it and I enjoy wearing it immensely.  I switched it from my left hand to my right hand and ever since it has been a symbol of independence and power to me.

I dropped about 45 pounds this year on the Keto Diet and love the way I look right now.  I am continuing to lose weight a little at a time and am almost at the thinnest I’ve been in a decade.  I brought my own sexy back and have allowed others to reinforce it in me as well.  I’ve learned to accept compliments in ways I hadn’t allowed myself before and I am loving the skin that I’m in.  That is definitely in the Blessings Jar.

I know my sister is going to be in the Blessings Jar a lot.  We had so much fun this year with birding trips and long weekends away together.  We have cultivated a friendship I didn’t realize was possible with us.  We call each other SisterMine because we are each others sisters, as well as best friends.  We have a relationship that is so close it’s scary.  I see others lose sisters to illness, tragedy or age and it crushes my heart and brings tears to my eyes thinking about losing her.  Ok…enough of that talk.

I’ve come into a newfound confident comfort in my career and know that I am changing lives in the job that I am blessed to do.  There was a time when I would have been obsessed with knowing everyone in my work place liked me.  I’ve gotten to a place of confidence where I no longer need that.  I like me.  That’s enough.

I think the best part of the Blessings Jar this year is it has proven to me that when you think the worst thing in the world has happened to you and your life will never be the same, the worst thing is just the method the Universe uses to clear away something you no longer need in order to make room for something so much better.  The Blessings Jar this year is showing me that even though these last two years since the divorce have been at times a challenge, they have also been some of the most important change in my entire existence.  That’s really what the Blessings Jar is about.  It helps me see how much I’ve grown in the year we are wrapping up and helps me acknowledge gratitude for where I’ve been and what I’ve seen.

If you take nothing else from this blog post, know this….just because it hurts doesn’t mean it’s bad.  Sometimes the hurt is growth, you just won’t see the why until you’re at the other end of it.  All you can feel is the pain and until the pain is manageable you can’t see where you’ve begun to change and grow.

Some of us fear change and fight it tooth and nail.  It’s true, however that hindsight is 20/20.  Sometimes we can’t see the blessings that come along with the Hurricane or the Divorce until we repair the damage and see what beauty we’ve built in the reconstruction.  We are still going to fight the change, because new is scary and scary isn’t invited into our lives by choice.  This year I’ve discovered my ability to stand tall and face the scary.  I’ve squared my shoulders, fluffed my hair, cracked my knuckles and told the scary to “Bring it!”.  It’s all in the Blessings Jar.  I can’t wait to open it and see what a great year I’ve had.

Hey looky here, guys! I wrote a whole blog and didn’t talk about sex once! Oh Wait….crap.

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