Let’s face it. I’m pretty much the authority now on being successfully single and loving it. (Please say “Authority” in the voice of Cartman from South Park) So I thought it would be beneficial to write an instructive blog post on how to have a Sexy Saturday Night on this last weekend of 2018.
Let me repeat that….this is the LAST WEEKEND OF 2018!
So the day consisted of cleaning my apartment from top to bottom, including cleaning the bathtub – because I would need it later. I made a trip to the grocery store for some essentials for tomorrow, a friend is coming over and it’s his birthday so of course I had to get a huge piece of cake and some candles. All this daytime stuff is only important because it wore my old arse out and I needed a hot bath with rose petals and Epsom salts to ease tired muscles…but I don’t want to spoil the tutorial here.
After spending the day cleaning and continually asking myself how I let my apartment get so dirty in the first place, I ran said bath with rose petals and salts (a gift from my sweet daughter) and sipped on a refreshing gin & tonic while I relaxed and listened to the lilting tones of Tone-Loc sing about doing the Wild Thing and Quad City DJ’s singing about Riding trains. It was practically spa worthy.
After a hot bath that quickly turned cold because it’s 47 degrees outside and I was too dumb to shut windows before I got into the bath, I exited liquid relaxation and wrapped my wet hair in a towel and popped on a face mask with a silicone mask cover so I could actually walk around and do stuff….like spend 10 minutes trying to thread a needle because my old eyes can’t see the eye of the needle anymore and there was a lot of guessing involved, but my favorite robe needs a spot repaired and what better time to do it than when you’ve got a sheet mask and silicone on your mug and wet hair?
Then of course, you have to take the obligatory selfie in the bathroom, tilting your head just right to hide the hanging clothes drying on your shower rod and the hat that you took off after Hurricane Harvey and never put back in its rightful spot…it’s all smoke and mirrors folks. Beauty is a fraud.
Now I will edit this post, drink another gin & tonic and probably watch some cooking videos by Meghan Rienks or Bon Appetit Magazine and slip into beautiful, restful sleep that doesn’t include my mouth hanging open, drooling or a dog farting in my face.
I wish you a bountiful, beautiful last weekend of 2018 and I hope we can all give it one last, swift kick in the balls before welcoming 2019 with open arms and an empty Blessings Jar.