The strangest thing happened to me on the internet the other day….
A man slid into my DM’s on Twitter….and didn’t want to show me a photo of his junk.
It’s true. I got a message from @Newmanin2018 who posts to the account Best Dad I Can Be and he suggested this topic. So go show him some love and thank him if this post is helpful to you.
So as I’ve explored dating this past year I’ve explored the dating apps. I live in a small-ish city that is kind of nestled between several vastly larger cities so it’s a peculiar dating opportunity where you can run out of potential dating matches. So your dating experience with these apps may be different from mine. There are a bunch of dating apps out there but I’m just going to tell you about the four apps that I’ve used on the regular.
Everyone knows Tinder and most of us have known someone who has gone on a Tinder Date. Tinder got the rap as being your basic Hook-up app and I have to say it’s held up to that level of standard. If you meet on Tinder there is a pretty universal expectation of nakedness on the first date. It is what it is. No judgement given or taken. I’ve met some pretty spectacular people on Tinder, The Chef being the first….and he was spectacular.
I would suggest utilizing the chat feature on Tinder – or any dating app – for a few days or a week just to get to know each other before exchanging real phone numbers for texting. It’s a whole lot less messy to simply unmatch yourself from a creep than know that he has your real phone number. Who knows what they can do with that knowledge. Then if you decide to meet, please make sure it’s in a public area like a restaurant, and please limit the alcohol and get your own drinks. The last thing you want is to wake up in a strange place with no memory and have some pretty hefty regrets.
Match.com This is the app where I met The Gentleman and I don’t regret that experience either. He was a great guy and we had a great time together. Match.com is one of the better Paid Apps that will bill your credit card for time spent finding your Mr. Right or Ms. Right-Now. The same rules for any other app apply here as well. Chat within the app for a while, meet in public, monitor your alcohol and be a grown up. Because it’s a paid app, it weeds out those who are not serious about finding a mate. You will find less hook-up minded people and find more people interested in a true connection.
Clover This is an app that I’ve not had fantastic results with. I’ve chatted with a few men but never met up with any and I kind of find this app to be a little bit lack luster. It’s fine for seeing what’s out there and it has all the chatting features of the other ones. I just never hit a home run with this one.
Bumble This is a good one for you ladies that are trying to get your feet wet in the dating pool. This app’s claim to fame is you can match all day long, but the man can’t send the first message. It’s all on you, Ladies. The ladies have to make the first move. It’s kind of fun having the upper hand and deciding if you like someone enough to send them a message first. I have found a few remarkable dates on Bumble. I highly recommend it. It may not be a slam dunk right out of the gate but given some time and patience you might find someone pretty special or at least someone fun to hang out with.
Now a few words on chatting. I have learned that if a person is going to go sexy right out of the gate in a dating app they are only interested in one thing. Hey! That’s cool, man. If that’s all I’m interested in too we are all good. If however, I’m in a mood or don’t really feel that way about you I’ll shut it down or unmatch us real quick.
Most people panic when they have to send the first message and wind up sending something uninspired like “Hey…” or “hi.” I’ve always found that if I’m going to send the first message I try to compliment the person I’m messaging on something I noticed about them. Something as simple as “You have kind eyes” or “I really liked your profile, you seem like a funny guy.” goes a lot further than “hi”.
Punctuation and spelling is a deal breaker for me too. If you don’t know your their, there and they’re’s we’re going to be a short experiment in messaging. I expect the men I’m chatting with to have a base level of intelligence that quantifies a smart and interesting conversation.
I know most people hate filling out those profile questionnaires on dating apps telling the world about yourself. It’s a lot of pressure right? How do you want the sexy human’s on the other end of the app to see you? Do you want to be clever? Do you want to seem sexy and mysterious? Do you want to show your funny side?
In short: do all the above. Don’t be afraid to change your profile description every couple of weeks or even every few days. See what works, who likes your stuff and who wants to chat with you. Important tip about the dating app algorithm is that the more often you change something in your profile the more often the app’s algorythm is going to put you up to bat first. So change something – even just one word – and change it often. You’ll see results.
The fastest way to make me swipe left on a profile is to have no profile photo. Or if your profile photo is only of your dog, or a sunset, or your favorite cartoon character – I’m done with you. I want to see your face! I want to see what you look like and see if you make me say “hmmm, he looks interesting…” Also, please use recent photos, don’t use your high school track photo when you are about to have your thirty year high school reunion. We don’t need that kind of vagueness in our lives. Be straight forward and honest. If you have only been divorced a few months and this is all new to you, be honest about it. A lot of women like vulnerability and will feel drawn to a newby.
If you’re only on dating apps for hook ups, be honest about that too. You don’t need to fool women into thinking there is a chance for a relationship when you just want a one night stand or Friend With Benefits. There are plenty of women who want the exact same thing and we don’t need to go around breaking hearts to get a date. Just be honest about what you want.
Finally….have FUN!!! It’s not rocket science and you’re going to fall on your face a little bit here and there. Learn the lessons, go on the dates, be responsible and have a fling or two. If nothing else you get a nice dinner out of the deal and maybe make a new friend. Maybe you wind up with more than a friend, who knows. You’ll never know if you don’t put yourself out there.
A word about responsibility, just like you never want to leave your drink unattended, you never want to get into a hot and heavy make out session and have to pump the brakes because he didn’t bring a condom. He’s hoping that you’re going to let him take a run at the goal without the goalie in play. Bring your own condoms with you and insist he wear one if you’re going to engage in naked fun. Be safe with your bodies and be safe with who you allow to see your body without clothes on. Let someone know where you are, have your own vehicle to leave when you want to and keep your wits about you. This dating thing is a dance where both parties have equal control. If any part of it feels off or sketchy, you don’t have to stick around for desert. Take off and get yourself home.
Take care of yourselves and each other, folks! Happy dating!