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Speaking your truth

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Can you ask for what you want?  Can you speak your truth even if it’s uncomfortable and awkward?

I have been in a low key relationship for the past three months with a lovely man.  Of course I am referring to Keanu.  He is strong, capable, smart, funny and has a litany of other qualities that I won’t list here, and he and I have had a wonderful time getting to know each other.  I ended that low key relationship tonight after some soul searching.

Am I just not relationship material right now?  I don’t know.  I just know I was growing more and more restless and needed to make a change.  So I did.  I spoke my truth and was completely honest about what I was feeling.  We appreciate one another and will forever value our time together.  I’m glad I didn’t wait so long that there was anger in our parting.  No one wants that.

One of the side benefits of this past year of dating and being open to love has been the way I’ve learned to break up with someone.  So far we are two for two and I’m still friends with both.  I think the key to dating is remembering that it’s all really just the interview period.  You are both interviewing one another to see if you check all the boxes.  Kind of like shopping for clothes, you try different things on and see how they fit, see if they irritate you or if you like the way it all feels and then you decide if you want to buy.  So far I’ve really enjoyed the dressing room but haven’t yet made it to the register to make the purchase.

This is all perfectly fine.  This is what life after divorce looks like.  When you’ve been in a relationship for over half your life you’ve become pretty set in your ways and to find another human who is going to fit into all your curvy, wavy edges is hard.  I think I’ve discovered the secret is mutual respect for one another even if it all goes tits up in the end.

Dating involves more than just your heart – it involves two hearts who are trying to open to one another and if there is a connection, fantastic!  There was a connection with Keanu.  He is a beautiful human and just like I told him tonight, I consider our time together precious.  I just need something different right now.  I think we will both look back on our time together fondly and smile when we think of each other.  I know that I have no regrets about the time I invested in him or in us.  I just find myself with itchy feet…restless…curious what the next adventure will be and who it will be with.

I think if you are wondering “maybe I should end this…” you’ve already made your choice to end it and it’s just saying it out loud that’s left.  I’m not getting any younger and I don’t want to waste either of our time in something that isn’t giving either of us the most fulfilling of all romances.  We deserve better.  We should demand better.  So I’ve freed him, as well as freed myself to venture down the road of adventure and new connections to see what is around the bend.

The relationship with The Gentleman lasted four months.  This relationship with Keanu lasted just shy of that at three and a half months.  I guess I have my guideline for how long it takes me try something on the relationship dressing room.

Did I learn things in both relationships?  Absolutely yes.  Do I regret any of it?  Not even a little bit.

I am a collector of experiences and Keanu was one more that will go down in the books as one I am so glad I got to take part in.  Keanu is a lovely man who will make someone a very good partner someday.  I’m just not that someone and that’s ok.

So now, I guess the only thing to say is…..

Thank you, Next!

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