Today I am 48.
Sometimes I get the birthday blues. Not this year. I always feel like a fool when I get birthday blues. I should be so grateful for another birthday! Especially as a cancer survivor, I should cherish every year older as a gift.
That is exactly how I’m feeling today about my birthday. I’m feeling loved with all the messages and calls celebrating lil’ old me. I’m feeling blessed and happy that my birthday fell on a Saturday and I have zero plans for the day. I plan to let the day open to me as it will and if a door to adventure opens I will move through it. If not, that’s ok too.
My best girlfriends had a get together last weekend and made me a lovely meal and we all indulged in my new favorite cake, Hummingbird cake. It’s a beautiful spice cake with coconut, banana, pineapple, toasted walnuts and cream cheese frosting. It’s light and not too sweet and one of my best friends made it with her own two hands and it was delicious.
As I was walking my dog this morning I was thinking about the last twelve months from last birthday to now. I’ve learned a lot. I’ve grown, I’ve found love and laughter, I’ve felt sexy, I’ve felt alive. I’ve had some fun adventures and very few bad days. I’ve lived my truth and tried on lots of new beginnings. That has been my favorite part I think – trying on the new beginnings.
Is there anything sweeter than a weekend open to you with nothing pressing on the agenda? A weekend full of possibilities and ripe for new beginnings?
I can do whatever I want with my time. I can spend the entire day in my pajamas, refilling my cup of coffee and doing whatever makes me happy. It could be video games, it could be a new book I downloaded. It could be playing with beautiful makeup, painting my nails and taking myself to dinner. It could be snuggling with my puppy and opening a good bottle of wine, finding a great movie or series to binge watch.
Regardless of what I choose, it’s a choice that only I get to make. These are the best parts of being single and selfish. I make every single rule. I decide what is going to make me the happiest and I get to do that thing. Or even better, I get to decided to not do that thing that doesn’t bring me giggles and smiles. Either way – I love being single and not answering to anyone but my own heart.
It feels so good to feel this grateful on a birthday. I am just chock full of joy and blessings. For most people, after divorce birthdays can be hard – and they were! If anything, I want to be an example to those of you in the trenches of divorce and feeling lonely that there is joy again. There is feeling immense amounts of gratitude again. There is happiness verging on bliss again and it doesn’t have to involve another person in your life. You can provide your own happiness. You don’t need another human being to complete you. You can complete you.
Anyway…those are just some thoughts I have on my birthday today. Thanks for reading and thanks for being part of this S&S family. Cheers!