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It’s Casual

Can we talk about something?  It’s probably not something you hear all the time and it’s likely not going to be a very popular opinion, but….

Casual sex.  Hook up culture.  It’s so perfect.

As the title of this blog indicates, I’m single and selfish.  Not selfish with everything – I like to think of myself as a kind and giving person and I think that’s how my friends and family see me, but my time and my space are something I’m selfish with.  I like my bed to myself.  I like to sleep alone, in the center of the bed.  I like the remote control to myself and shhhh, don’t tell anyone, but if I’m eating a meal at home it’s going to be from my bed.  I have a dining room table for my cats to eat and sleep on and that’s pretty much it’s only function.  So having someone in my space for long periods of time isn’t ideal.  I don’t prefer it and I’d just rather skip it.  Come visit….then leave.  Please and thank you.  Buh-bye.

I was out of town this week for a conference and it was lovely.  Not only was it extremely informative and educational, it was also a great way to network with others in my field and make new friends….and catch up with old friends I haven’t seen in a long time.  Namely someone I met years ago, when I was married and there was a definite spark but…hey, I was married.  I don’t cheat, so it didn’t happen then.  Guess who was also at the conference this week?  Let’s just say we made up for lost time and then some. The great thing was it was totally casual.  We both knew it wasn’t going to be anything other than for making memories and finally scratching that itch.  We both got to sleep in our own king size beds with our own remote controls and we didn’t even have to cuddle. It was passionate, fun and short lived and now we go right back to being friends.  It was actually very efficient if I do say so myself.  I wouldn’t change a thing…well, except I would have more of those kisses.  I love me a man who is a great kisser.

As a race, are we even meant to be monogamous?  Are we a “mate for life” kind of species? I know society says we are supposed to be but is that really ideal for most of us? Deep down I know that at some point I’ll settle down and be the happy little home maker again, or at least the no longer single equal partner again.  Whatever.  But that day isn’t today.

Don’t get me wrong, there is something to be said for having your person.  The one who knows all your combinations and has seen you at your best and your worst and still loves kissing you even before you brush your teeth in the morning.  Good on you.  I’m happy for those who are in happy and healthy relationships.  I think having a partner in this life is amazing and I did that for a long, long time.  There was a comfort and a level of trust there that is hard to duplicate in couplings outside of a long term committed relationship.  Then of course he turned out to be a low down dirty dog who was a liar and a cheat so my unwillingness to turn myself over to trusting again is probably not a surprise.

Maybe for me, at this time in my life, short term dating is all I can manage.  There is less risk of being hurt.  If I don’t hand my heart over to someone it won’t get hurt, right?  A lot of the classes at the conference I attended were about trauma and PTSD.  I saw a lot of myself in those slides as they slid up on the screens in those huge conference rooms.  I put some pieces together about why I have ended both relationships I’ve attempted to have with good men over the past year.  If I end it first I can’t get hurt.  If I’m doing the dumping I can’t get dumped or duped.  If I keep my couplings to short term romps then I get the emotional dump of the happy brain drugs and none of the heavy lifting of actually holding up my part of a healthy relationship.  That’s just where I am right now.

So I guess the blog is going to begin to get spicy again.  Buckle up, Buttercup.

And hey you….you know who you are.  This is officially your honorable mention.  Thanks for the memories.

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