I woke up with a serious bee in my bonnet today. It’s Valentine’s Day again and I 👏🏼 Hate 👏🏼 It👏🏼!! It’s the dumbest holiday if you’re single. It’s the sweetest holiday if you’re happily in love. Bleh!! Gross! Gag me with a chocolate spoon.
I’ve been rather venomous on social media today, spewing my anti-VD tirade and stirring up the tribe that feels the same way as I do. I may have even hissed a little.
Someone asked my why I dislike the day so much and it boils down to this- it makes me feel like I’ve failed at something. And I don’t like failing. Period. I’m also super competitive and when I see all these happy mafuckas out here getting engaged or posting pictures of flower or chocolate deliveries it makes me snarl. Like they are winning and I’m not.
Childish? Oh yeah. Totally.
But feelings man- they just sort of float up and for someone like me, who feels feelings really strongly it can kind of leach off of me like tendrils of steam off a freshly laid, hot turd. See? More venom.
I realize all this venom does nothing but cause me more angst and the full blown pity party is not cute – but when I get like this I just have to let it burn hot until it exhausts itself. Tomorrow will be better. Candy will be on sale. People will go back to regular life. The restaurants will be less crowded and the Morning After Pill will be flying off shelves.
Meanwhile, I will go home tonight, alone, open a bottle of wine or pour a gin & tonic and probably continue my search for the Ebony Helmet of Water-breathing in Skyrim with my dog & cat curled up on my lap.
Then Saturday morning I’ll wake up late, drink coffee and feel a million time better, then Sunday morning I’m supposed to have a date for brunch. Today and this mood is temporary but it’s strong. I believe in validating and honoring your feelings, speaking your truth and allowing yourself time to be wherever you are in your heart. It’s the only way for me to move through feelings without stuffing them down and building a volcano.
So to all of you lovely people in happy relationships celebrating today- good for you, have fun and be in love. Everyone else who is single and spicy about it, the Skyrim tournament starts at 6:30. We’re all meeting at my house in Whiterun. Bring a follower to carry extra weapons.