I’ve discovered that I’m the type of woman that can tell in two dates if there is hope of a future date. That, along with the ability to fold a fitted sheet appear to be my super powers.
I had two dates this weekend, with the same guy. We’ll call him The Atheist, because….well, he’s an Atheist. We met on a dating app and things went very quickly from chatting to asking for a date for this Sunday (Today as I write this post). He reached out last week, rescheduling our date from Sunday to Friday night because of a meeting that suddenly came up on Sunday. A business meeting. With a bank. On a Sunday. Insert image of Duane The Rock Johnson with his eyebrow cocked here. Misdirection or untruth number one.
So we went out on Friday night. He doesn’t drink, so we went to dinner and then found a groovy little coffee house to sit and talk for a couple hours and had some lovely cups of tea. He did most of the talking, asking very few things about me. He told me about his Military Service and that he was Special Forces, having had specialized training in Force Recon during Desert Storm. Impressive right? Then as we continued talking, bits of his story about his military career just didn’t add up. I won’t go into specifics, because that isn’t my area, but I will just say that some of his stories made my bullshit meter go off. Misdirection or untruth number two.
The night ended with a pleasant kiss goodnight and we each went our separate ways. Imagine my surprise when the next morning, bright and early he texts me asking me out on a second date for that night!…Short notice, but it was flattering that he wanted to see me again so quickly. My gut told me to politely decline, but I didn’t listen to it and accepted.
For our second date, we went to dinner at one of my favorite restaurants and then went to a cute little place that was showing a classic movie and served milkshakes and we shared one. Romantic, I know. We walked the downtown area after and talked, he told me about the time he got arrested…..(screeching brakes sound effect here) and we shared some stories of our youth. I asked him a question about the meeting he supposedly had for Sunday (remember why he had to reschedule our date to Friday) and he seemed confused. Genuinely confused. Then I saw him gather his thoughts, remember his lie and mutter some nonsense about said meeting. Misdirection or untruth number three.
The second date ended with him urging me to find a spot where we could make out in my car…..WHAT? Bro, I’m almost 50 and I don’t make out in cars. Definitely don’t make out in cars with men who make me feel they are being less than honest with me, so I redirected him to talk about why his marriage ended, fact seeking, turning it around to things in his past so I could see how he chose to word his answers.
Long story short, I discovered he claims he doesn’t know why his marriage ended, he’s not great with finances so she wound up with their owned properties in her name so when it ended she was set up pretty nicely (inside I was actually high-fiving her). I was getting a pretty clear picture of the kind of man he is. He’s what I call a Magic Man. He says or does whatever it takes to get what he wants in a relationship or deal and cleans up the consequences later. My ex husband was a Magic Man, a deceiver, a slight of hand crook, look over here while I dip into your pocketbook while you’re distracted kind of Magic Man.
Then, dear readers -the cherry on top of this two date weekend with The Atheist – he tells me he is indeed a magic man…an amateur magician, mostly party tricks, slight of hand, card tricks, geek-magic with prop knives through the arm and razor blades and string that magically connect themselves together after he dramatically shoves them in his mouth separately and they somehow tie themselves together in front of a live audience. So basically he admits to me what I’d suspected all along, he is a specialist in the art of deception. A trained liar. This is where it all makes sense to me and I decided the date is over and drive him back to his vehicle.
Here’s the thing, folks. If you’re on a date with someone who has some training in the signs of deception because of her career and who she works with – don’t lie to her. She will see it, and you will never hear from her again. She will write you off as a liar and a cheat and you will have lost an amazing opportunity to get to know a really special lady because you couldn’t keep your stories straight.
One thing I’ve learned through this experience is that my gut instinct, my bullshit meter that was so incredibly FUBAR after my divorce is back and fully functional. She is stronger and better than ever and I can once again trust myself to date and not get swindled. That is an empowering feeling.
Where this experience would in times past have set me into a tailspin of writing off all men as liars, this has given me encouragement that I have the trust in myself to see the person I’m out on a date with for who they are and with wide open eyes. It also taught me that my boundaries are at a really healthy place right now and I’m not at all afraid to enforce them.
So chalk up another dating adventure in the books, and one man who won’t be getting another chance because the red flags were just far too many over two brief dates. I did get two great meals out of the dates and some fun conversation, but most importantly I regained faith in myself that I am ready to keep looking, ready to keep searching, ready to keep dating and find my person if it’s meant to happen, and for that I’m grateful that God brought the Atheist into my life.