So here’s the thing. The Single & Selfish thing has pretty much run its course. I am for all intents and purposes, living full time with The Judge. I still have my apartment- my lease isn’t up until the end of the year, but I’d rather spend every night with him. It’s that great.
This pandemic, having to work from home when possible and quarantine together as a new couple seems to have fast tracked things with us. We are simply inseparable.
If you’ve been paying attention, you’ll have noticed that I’ve dropped a couple hints about wanting to set up a new platform for my writing, my photography and streams of consciousness now that things are so different in my life. A blog about life, love in the Golden Years, looking at retirement in the next few years, travel with The Judge, cooking, so with that idea in mind, I’m going to be launching a new blog site here on WordPress and I think it’s going to be called The Next Chapter.
It’s sometimes feels so strange to be so secure and comfortable in this new life, in a beautiful house in the country where there are birds and wildlife, my dog doesn’t have to be tethered to a leash and can hobble around free on the vast, grassy tree-lined property and lay in the sun. My poor little buddy recently had surgery to repair a broken leg, an injury he sustained jumping off the bed one night. They put a plate & a screw in and though it’s been a long road to healing, he’s getting better every day and gets lots of treats, snuggles and nose boops.
At the same time, while I’m so happy I’ve also had the strangest, overwhelming, sudden onset of anxiety this week. It’s been really weird, blood pressure spikes, heart racing, pressure in my chest, feeling close to an anxiety attack- several times this week. I really had to sit with it and ask myself what I was so stressed about. I hate the word ”Triggered”, but that’s absolutely what I was experiencing.
So I went down the checklist. Was it work? No- work is good. I’m an essential employee so I’m grateful to still be working every day, my family is good, my children are healthy, my relationship with The Judge just keeps getting better every day- so what in the world would be making me so stressed?
Then it occurred to me….over the last three years I’ve had two significant romantic relationships, one with The Gentleman and one with Keanu if you’ll remember. Each of them I ended at around the three month mark because I got “Itchy Feet” as I called it- a desire to see what else was out there, unwilling or unable to settle down and in each relationship, unhappy with something about the coupling. Both times, the desire to end things came on very quickly and the guillotine strike was swift and permanent.
This week- today in fact, The Judge and I have been a couple for three months. Here it is, folks- the time when my feet in the past have begun to itch and I feel the need to run. Cut ties. See if there are greener pastures to graze elsewhere.
I checked in with my feet once I made the connection and surveyed how I felt about my current romantic state. Ya know what? I’m happy. Really happy. I’m fulfilled, I’ve never felt more protected and provided for. I’ve never felt so loved, so cared for, so sweetly held, so hilariously entertained, with great plans for the future that I’m really excited about. The thought of leaving The Judge or ending this relationship gives me such great sadness and it would be an irreparable mistake that I would regret for a long, long time.
I don’t know about you, but once I make a connection about why I’m feeling such an extreme emotion, it let’s all the air out of it, like deflating a balloon. The anxiety just melted and I took a deep breath and relaxed.
As our communities begin to open back up and we begin to live a little again, The Judge and I have our first vacation planned for the fall. We’re taking a road trip to a romantic cabin in New Mexico where we eagerly hope we can see some fantastic fall migratory birds and photograph some beautiful scenery. I just hope the warning of a second wave of this virus doesn’t put a a kink in the plan because the trip will make fabulous content for the new blog.
The new blog will be filled with everything about our new life, our travels, cooking -I’ve been really enjoying the Hello Fresh meal delivery service and have been enjoying cooking new and tasty meals for us and taking photos of the baby birds that are nesting just outside the front door, under the wrap around porch and the hummingbirds that we have multiple feeders out for. It’s going to be a positive place where I’ll share the joys of My Second Act. I want people to know that even after a long marriage, betrayal and painful breakdowns of a marriage there is happiness to be had. There is a life after.
So I hope you will come along with me. I’ll be posting a link when that page is ready to be launched. I look forward to sharing new content and new happiness with all of you. No drama, just joy.
And we could all use a little bit of joy after all we’ve endured during these last few months. I hope you’ll follow my new journey. This blog will still be live – because there are people who are just starting the journey of being single after a long coupling and they need to see and read the progress of pain and regenerating your self esteem, your personal power and your independence. So Single and Selfish won’t be deleted. I’ll just be posting more on the new blog.
What do you think? Are you down for some happiness and lifestyle stuff? Photos and stories from the road and a little bit of cavity making sweetness? I hope so, because I want to share it with you.