The After

Remember back last year when I wrote a blog post about there is an After? Yeah, take a second and go read that one again. It’s a good bit of information and I am reminded again today, on what would have been my 24th wedding anniversary that there is indeed an After and I have once again found it.

It’s hard to believe that this November will be four years since my dumpster fire of a marriage imploded. It really was a dumpster fire too, I’m realizing the failures we both made, the things that I put up with that I shouldn’t have, the things that I should have demanded or at least asked for but have the self love to do it. I was too scared, too timid, too reluctant to suffer the consequences of his retaliation for just asking for honesty and transparency in our marriage.

It has taken me these past few years of learning to love myself, respect myself, find my voice, grow a back bone, heal the gaping wound in my heart and get past the anger and betrayal from years of gaslighting, financial and emotional abuse and finally accepting that those things were indeed happening. It’s taken all this time and finally being in a healthy, adult, mature relationship to realize what being truly safe and cherished feels like.

So with a future ahead of me, I am ready to say goodbye to the past. That’s a really good feeling.

Thank you, knowledge. Thank you, healthy growth. Thank you, pain….for teaching me what I deserve and what I should expect in a partner.

Thank you.

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